The Power of Truly Listening: A Skill We All Need

Most of us believe we’re good listeners. Yet, we often feel that others aren’t truly listening to us. How many times have you said, “You’re not listening to me!” or “They don’t listen!”? It’s incredibly frustrating and disheartening when it seems like no one is really listening.

Listening is a crucial skill, but part of the problem is that many of us don’t view it as one. We tend to think of listening as something innate, something that should come naturally—just like hearing. However, listening and hearing are not the same. Hearing is simply the passive, physiological process of detecting sound. It’s something we’re born with. But listening? That’s a skill. It’s active, intentional, and something we need to practice and develop.

The truth is, most of us have never been trained in how to listen, which is why many aren’t as good at it as we think. And yet, everyone has a deep need to be listened to—really listened to.

As Patrick King notes in Mindful Listening:
“Learning to listen—really listen—doesn’t just improve your relationships, help you resolve conflict, and deepen your connections. It enriches your work, family, and love life. And it brings a depth and richness to your own life that’s hard to appreciate until you experience it.”

We all know how amazing it feels when someone truly listens to us. We feel understood, validated, affirmed, and valued. True, active listening is powerful and transformative.

Active Listening: A Skill to Be Honed

Although it seems like it should be easy to have a conversation where you feel truly listened to, it often isn’t. And this is where coaching comes in. In a coaching partnership, the foundation is built on trust, safety, presence, and active listening. These principles are embedded in the core competencies of the International Coaching Federation.

As a coach, my goal is to ensure my clients feel seen, heard, and valued. I create a safe, supportive environment where they can share freely without fear of judgment. By being fully present and curious about my client, I allow space for reflection, silence, and the opportunity to explore deeper insights.

In everyday conversations, it’s common for people to start mentally preparing their response while the other person is still speaking—or worse, interrupting. This habit drastically reduces the ability to truly listen. As a coach, by slowing down, embracing pauses, and creating space for silence, I can fully listen to what my client is communicating. This enables me to respond in a way that fosters insight and learning—usually by asking another thought-provoking question that invites even deeper reflection.

The Gift of Coaching Conversations

The conversations that happen within a coaching partnership are unlike any other. They are a gift that coaches offer to their clients—a conversation where the client is truly listened to, leaving with the sense that they are heard, valued, and that they matter.

Active listening isn't just a skill; it’s a transformative experience that can profoundly impact both the listener and the one being listened to. Whether in coaching or everyday life, developing the ability to listen deeply enriches relationships, fosters understanding, and creates meaningful connections.