Discovering the True Essence of Coaching: My Journey

When I first became interested in coaching, I didn’t fully understand what it entailed. Even as I began exploring how to become a coach and searching for a program to become certified with the International Coaching Federation (ICF), I still held misconceptions. I initially thought of coaching as something akin to mentoring or advising. I imagined using my experiences, knowledge, and wisdom to help others solve their problems and achieve their goals.

However, as I delved into my training, I soon realized that coaching is not about offering solutions—it's about something far deeper and more profound. In fact, it turned out to be so much more rewarding than I ever anticipated.

What Coaching Truly Is

The ICF defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential... Coaches honor the client as the expert in his or her life and work and believe every client is creative, resourceful, and whole.”

This definition changed everything for me. In coaching, we recognize that clients already possess the answers within themselves. Our role as coaches is not to guide, mentor, or advise, but to walk alongside them in their journey. We create a safe, supportive environment, grounded in mutual trust and respect, where clients can uncover their own potential.

Rather than telling people what to do, I help them discover what they want to do. Through active listening, a commitment to being fully present, and asking insightful, thought-provoking questions, I allow space for my clients to reflect and think deeply. It’s a conversation unlike any other—a place where the coach’s sole focus is on the coachee, allowing them to think clearly and uncover new insights about their lives.

The Gift of Presence

Sharon Salzberg, in her book Lovingkindness, recalled how she sometimes found herself only half-listening in conversations, her mind drifting to the next task. She realized how unfair this lack of attention can be, stating that “the simple act of being completely present to another person is truly an act of love—no drama is required.”

Think about your daily conversations. How often are we truly present? How often do we find ourselves distracted, planning our next words, or mentally elsewhere? People can sense when we’re not fully engaged, and being truly present can be transformative.

In coaching, this level of attention is paramount. The coach’s role is to listen deeply, creating a space where the coachee feels seen, heard, and valued. This kind of attention fosters trust and respect, forming the foundation of the coaching partnership.

Reflective Coaching: Holding Up the Mirror

In The Power of Reflective Inquiry in Coaching, Hemant Deshpande, PCC, discusses how coaching mirrors a client’s thoughts, behaviors, and emotions back to them. He writes, “A coach can sometimes see what the client is not able to see about themselves (or at least cannot recognize that easily).”

This reflective process is at the heart of effective coaching. By holding up this metaphorical mirror, a coach helps the coachee gain clarity, explore new perspectives, and see aspects of themselves they may have previously overlooked. It’s a powerful tool that enables profound personal growth.

The Transformative Power of a Coaching Partnership

The coaching partnership is truly unique. It’s an ongoing relationship built on trust, reflection, and exploration. Whether you’re facing a career change, navigating parenting challenges, launching a business, or working on personal development like patience or confidence, coaching offers an opportunity to unlock your full potential.

As the ICF states, coaching “inspires clients to maximize their personal and professional potential”—whatever that looks like for you.

Everyone can benefit from a coaching partnership. It’s a conversation like no other, designed to help you tap into the answers and potential that already reside within you. And it’s transformative, no matter where you are on your journey.